Bad Ideas

Oreo has come out with THINS that are MINT.  That sounds awfully close to the Girl Scout’s Thin Mints.  I bought a bag of these Oreo THINS that are mint for a gig and asked the audience to eat them and let me know which is better, Oreo or the Girl Scouts.  THE GIRL SCOUTS won hands down.  It was no contest.  Although, I will note that the Oreos were GONE by the end of the night.  I bet a box of Thin Mints would be gone too.  I enjoy contributing to the Guerilla Focus Groups movements that’ve been taking off since FB got to the scene.  I think I’m going to write a letter to Orea/Nabisco to let them know our results.  It’d go something like this:


Dear Oreo/Nabisco:

Whatchu thinkin’ trying to step on Girl Scout territory?  What cher problem?  We did a Focus Group in our Open Mic this past Friday and we figgered that Girl Scout’s Thin Mints are WAY better-n-your Oreo Thins that are Mint.  Besides, your name of your cookie SUCKS.  How long’d you spend on that?  3 minutes?  “Uh let’s see…they got Thin Mints (a nice smooth name) so I guess we’ll have Thins that are Mint.”  WHA???  WTF??

Back the fuck up, Nabby.  This is Girl Scout territory.  You don’t want millions of angry rabid souped-up-on-sweets girl scouts raiding your headquarters.  Do you?

I didn’t THINK so.




Under the same category of BAD IDEAS: I saw a bumper sticker while I was taking my morning constitutional.  It was on the back of a truck and it read “Besides ending slavery, hunger, fascism and terror, Yeah, War has Never Solved Anything.”  

Um. Did War really END slavery? No.  And Fascism? No. And hunger?  Where did it end hunger?  It CREATES hunger.  And Extremism.  And oh yeah, that War started in 2003 in Iraq and continued now in Afghanistan and elsewhere has really ended Terror.  Especially when we still have terror here on our own continent - 9 African Americans murdered in S. Carolina just for being black.  

I’d like to sit down with the owner of that bumper sticker and ask him (I’m assuming it’s a guy, is that asinine of me?) Which war did you fight in and come back from and feel unappreciated for your sacrifice?  Let me personally give him some appreciation for all he did in exchange for his taking that folderol off his truck.

Third Bad Idea: Buying ANY PRODUCE AT STOPnSHOP.  I just had my first out-of-the-ground carrot in 40 years and it. was. amazing.  It was SPICY and had an EDGE and it was SO SO SO Carrotty. I've been shoving carrot sticks in people's mouths randomly as they come into my house and they can't BELIEVE how they taste.  It's NOTHING AT ALL like those orange sticks they sell at the grocery store.  I'm thinking I'm going to reserve those for sex play.  And just abstain from carrots if it is carrots season.  OMG.  You can not imagine.  Go to your nearest Farmer's Market and buy a bunch.  And maybe an extra to share, because you're not going to want to share yours.

See you on Thursday, Sweetnesses,


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