In last week's post I was talking about how important it is to radically self love ourselves in the LGBTQ community and beyond. I went into detail about how without radical self-love, it is not possible for the LGBTQ community to come together at this time of need. This Saturday at 2am will be three weeks since the attack at Pulse and even though it is still in the news, it is fading and fading fast. For those of you who are dedicated to keeping the memory of Pulse and its victims alive so that we harness the power of our connection after that tragedy and build upon it, I offer these suggestions about how to radically self love.
Accept yourself. Radically accept yourself. The good with the bad with the embarrassing with the down right wrong. Accept all of it. You know the parts of you I'm talking about. Even the parts that you're mortified to share with your therapist - the person who is paid not to judge you - you must accept these parts. Accept them as part of you. Do not deny or shame yourself or erase these parts of you. You'd be surprised how many ways these parts of you help you to become a better person who is more in love with herself. For example, the other night while drinking, I drank too much and blacked out. I don't ever think I've blacked out that completely before. It was embarrassing the next day when my girlfriend referenced things that I didn't remember. I was mortified. I don't condone or appreciate the idea of over-drinking to that extent. It is not in my character. But, for whatever reason, I over drank. I totally accept that I over drank and I totally accept that I blacked out. I don't deny it. I'm not hiding from it and I'm dealing with how I feel about it. And I'm doing what I need to do to change that behavior, intentionally. This is making me more in tune with myself and more able to radically self love myself.
Be honest with yourself. If you think something you're doing is wrong or that you don't like one of your habits, but honest with yourself. And not in that "I know this is wrong but I'm just going to complain about it" kind of a way. I mean in the way where you are honest with yourself and you take action to rectify your behavior so that it is aligned with who you want to be as a person. Radical self-love is based in honesty and in honoring yourself and your needs.
Honor yourself and your needs. If there's someone around you who doesn't treat you well or who you don't respect, you need to honor those feelings and either change the dynamic of your relationship with that person or move on. Boundaries. You have to have boundaries that help you honor your limits and your needs. If you can't be around people who gossip because it makes you feel like a bad person or that you're wasting your time, then don't be around people who gossip. And certainly don't engage people who gossip. Just say, "I don't gossip." And be done with it. This is such an important lesson. Too often people stick with people who drag them down or side to side in ways that they don't like --- and they stick with these people out of habit or out of history when really they've grown beyond them. It's so important to honor your growth as a human being and move on from people like that.
Embrace the moment. Living in the moment is a very popular phrase right now - but the reason why it's important is that your body and your mind recognize what the moment is and if you deny the moment while your mind and body are in the moment, you will not be in alignment with yourself. Being out of alignment with yourself keeps you from having flow in your experience of life - things pile up, back up and you end up taking short cuts to catch up. This ends up sending the message to your mind and body that their experiences are not important. This is a kind of rejection of yourself. This is the opposite of self love.
Accept yourself. Be honest with yourself. Honor yourself and your needs. Embrace the moment. This is just scratching the surface of what everyone needs to live in radical self-love. But it is a start. And so much of it comes down to being in alignment with yourself. If you're interested in works on this subject, check this link out: https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Self-Love-Loving-Yourself/dp/0692441271.