Yesterday, my kid and I were speakers at a PFLAG meeting (parents and friends of lesbians and gays) that we were invited to so we could talk about our experiences. My kid, Z, is a genderfuck/genderqueer/gender-questioning, pansexual. He's been out to me for about 3 years, I guess. He was born a girl, is not trans, but does prefer male pronouns, male clothing and identifies as genderqueer, which he defines as being both male and female.
I was so proud of Z and how he handled himself at the meeting. So articulate and insightful and thoughtful. I shared a story about how I had a small fit when Z told me he was my "child" and no longer my "daughter.:" I was so attached to the idea of having a daughter. I holed myself up in my room and had a little quiet tantrum and then I got over myself and realized that Z is who Z is and it's got nothing to do with me. And from then on, I've been great with him. And we have a great relationship.
In fact, Z commented to me about how weird it is to her to hear his friends complain about their parents. I made an offhand remark that those parents probably don't respect their kids as individuals. They think they get some kind of say about who the kids are - but they don't. They get say about what they DO, but WHO THEY ARE is just set. And it's not personal.
It was a great experience for me and Z - together and individually. Thank you PFLAG Collingswood for being so welcoming.