At the risk of sounding like every last aspect of this tour is hunky dory, I'm going to post a reality check. And here's my caveat:
Please do not take this as complaining or as an invitation to give me the bigger perspective in what I'm doing and the positive impact I'm having. Please do not think that I lack gratitude because I can be critical - the two are NOT mutually exclusive. Please do not feel sorry for me, I am doing what I love. Just know that what I am about to share is my truth and I need to put it down for the record. Compassionate comments are welcome, but not expected.
Being on the road is draining. No regularity, no routine. Different bed every night. Same nutrient-free waffles every morning. I swear I've put on 10 lbs already, it's ridiculous. Hours upon hours on the road in Goodness knows where. Always in unrecognizable territory. Seeing unfamiliar people doing unfamiliar things.
Performing for different audiences is difficult. Some may say, well, if you performed Off-Bway, you'd have different audiences there too. But not THIS kind of different. Different cultural experiences / socio-economic backgrounds / different expectations based on different press/marketing. Some things I say in one space soar where in another place thuds. No audience is the same, nothing to depend on - I'm flying so solo on each one.
Performing on the road is draining, different physical arrangements of my set, different set ups for the audience - sometimes they're on couches, sometimes far away from me, sometimes right on top of me, sometimes all around me. Sometimes i have a room to myself with a door that shuts, sometimes I just have a public restroom, I just got a small stand up mirror! Hooray for small miracles. Up to then I was doing my make up in the bathrooms or in the smaller mirror in my blush set.
Eating on the road is difficult since we won't eat fast food and we long ago tired of Subway. (I made the mistake of sending out requests to many of the venues for sandwiches or subs for dinner and many/most of them provided either Subway or Jimmy John's - who we found out is from the Urbana/Champaign area and is (in the UP Center's rep's words) an "asshole, total homophobe." So much for patronizing Jimmy John's.) So we are up to our ears in subs. So, for variety we try and find local food, but finding local, healthy, good, affordable food takes research. And Kristen is amazing with Yelp. But it's still a lot of work. We tried cooking our own meals in the hotels, but that went south really quickly. We were too tired and the equipment was a pain to haul. So, that went the way of the dinosaur pretty fast.
All people are not as grateful as one would hope. Don't get me wrong, many many of the folks we come across are super appreciative and grateful and loving and warm. But there are those few who are ungrateful or who say mean things -- obviously they're dealing with their own shit, projecting it onto me, etc, I get that - but it's still a pain to deal with these people and to aikido their negative energy into something positive.
My face is breaking out. I have a splinter deep in my right foot that is hurting me and I can't get out. My manicure is messed up and I need to get a mani/pedi soon. I miss my bed (or, more
accurately, my couch, since I sleep on my couch most nights at home). And more than everything: I miss my kid. She's going through her everyday life -- crushes, shows, writing, teachers, father, grandmother (my mom has been coming up to take care of her), etc...etc... and we talk every day, but it's just terrible being so far from her. I miss her terribly. If there is a cost to this tour, it is lost time with her. (Yes, I know, this too is an experience with her... :-) )
Ok. SIGH. BREATH. I've said it. Most of it. I feel better. Sorry for being defensive. This was noteasy to write. But I feel it is necessary for the big picture.
Thanks for reading.