Um...There's supposed to be a show here...

I wanna

I wanna

Tijuana Taco


This was on the “Fine Mexican Food” restaurant (quotes theirs)'s billboard that I just passed on my way to the current Mexican restaurant I’m sitting in for lunch, La Palma. There’s a kid throwing a fit about six booths away and it sounds like it’s about to combust. Hopefully, assigned adult will address the child before anything violent happens to it.  The waitress is over there now talking to it.  Sigh.  It takes a village.

MY waitress is an old German woman who looks like she’s seen absolutely everything.  I’m not sure she even noticed me when she took my order - which she practically said for me before I could get it out. I guess I look like a margarita, on the rocks with salt and tostada salad with guac kinda gal.

I’m in Lakewood, WA - a small town between Tacoma, WA (a not so big town) and  Gig Harbor, WA (a very small town where Kristen’s aunt lives).  We’ve been staying with her aunt for the past two days and again tonight.  She (the aunt) and her husband are simply lovely.  So welcoming and — I just got interrupted with “Okay! Zis plate is very Hot! Ok! You want it here? Ok!” And she plopped it down across the table from me.  The waitress is, in fact, correct. I just touched the plate, it is hot. The food, not so much.  So much for “Fine Mexican” — oh wait, that was the other place.  — and the aunt and uncle have been so hospitable.  I met their close friends/colleagues - a lesbian couple that reminded me a bit of Shakespearean characters in their affability and wonderfully delightful senses of humor.

I was supposed to have a show today at noon, but the organizer hadn’t gotten any RSVPs and didn’t want there to be too few people attending, so she canceled it.  There was some confusion on her end about which day the show was, to begin with, and who knows what other kinds of dropping of the ball — but then I found out she’s a first year in college and everything made more sense.   She was really enthusiastic about the show and asked me why I was focusing on LGBT youth suicide, instead of just youth suicide.

Hold up - the couple next to me rates more chips from German waitress, but I don’t?  What’s going on?  She can smell that my dad doesn’t trust Germans.  Well, used to. I know it.  She can smell the past.  Oy vey.  And uch does this tostada salad suck.  Sigh.

Anyway, I told the organizer that the reason I focussed on LGBT youth was two-fold: 1) I can get access to them relatively easily - through pride centers - and 2) their type of suicidal tendencies are more likely to be impacted positively by a meaningful narrative, than a youth who is clinically depressed or anxious or mentally ill, which, I argued, is not the case for as many of the LGBT youth who are suicidal as it is for mainstream suicidal youth.  A good portion of LGBT youth are suicidal, in my experience, because of societal homophobia, internalized homophobia, rejection from friends and family and due to learned self-hatred — all of which results in anxiety and depression, but they can be impacted positively by a positive narrative about themselves. I’m not convinced that suicidal teens who are not LGBT can be.  Prove me wrong.  Go ahead.  This is how I see this now, my mind could change.

I know there have been straight youth and adults who have told me that the show had a huge impact on them. I don’t know if they are/were suicidal, but I understand that the story/show has a farther reach than just LGBT youth.  They’re my focus for now.  I’ll broaden it in the months to come.

I think they’re playing German pop over the PA now here at the Mexican Restaurant. Um… Wait or maybe that’s English. Oh, I give up.  What did they put in this margarita?

Anyway, so I got up this morning, talked to my kid a bit on gchat, she’s writing a paper on Mental Illness in the 19th Century - grueling stuff for first thing in the morning, then I went for coffee and to the local Target for a armful of “thank you” wine for Kristen’s aunt and husband.  Then to the Great Clips to get my head shaved where Donna, my hair operator (her word, not mine) for the cut, was positively ebullient about my hair style and that I knew exactly what I wanted and please come back and “oh, but I’m from out of town” and then the whole schpiel about the tour and she followed me out of the store to let me know that the next time I was in town, to just sign up on line at Great Clips in Lakewood and I’ll go to the top of the list, “Miss Pandora.” :-)  What a trip.

Then to get my nail fixed - I broke it through the nail, the acrylic and the gel.  The salon couldn't match my color, so I got a purple nail to go with the orange ones. While I was in there, they were playing The Matrix - I think the 3rd one: Reconstituted, or something like that.  And I immediately got sucked into watching that.  It was like a drug.  Meanwhile, I’d been sipping on this kombucha I got in Santa Monica, CA and I noticed I was feeling a bit — loosey goosey — and I looked at the bottle and it said, “Contains Alcohol.”  Wha???  So, I’d been driving around with alcohol in my system.  Great job, Pandora.

Nail fixed - drove to find gnosh - had said gnosh as referenced above and then got in the car to drive home after having a most definitely under-alcoholic margarita and an over-alcoholic kombucha.  The satellite radio went on and I distinctly heard a rapper rhyme “pedestrian” with “Mexican” with “lesbian”

I don’t care for no pedestrians

They as common as Mexicans

But I wanna do two lesbians

Tijuana Taco



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